Groceries: What’s in Your Basket?

July 21, 2025

Welcome to The Price is Not Right, where your grocery bill is higher than your blood pressure, and no one’s winning a brand-new car.

According to President Donald Trump, grocery prices are going down. “Down! Like the ratings on CNN! Like Sleepy Joe’s energy! The best prices. Tremendous prices. People are saving so much money, folks, you wouldn’t believe it.”

And he's right... you don't believe it. Because you just paid $7.99 for a loaf of sourdough bread that tastes like drywall. Welcome to the grocery store in 2025, where the prices are up, the vibes are down, and your bank account needs therapy.

Trump's Grocery Basket (Presidential Edition):

Milk: $1.49 (Includes free cow)
Eggs: $0.99 a dozen (from golden hens at Mar-a-Lago)
Bacon: $2.50 per pound, cured with the tears of liberal economists
Champagne: On sale because it’s “a celebration, of winning so much, you’ll be tired of it!”

Your Grocery Basket (Tongue-in-cheek Edition):

Milk: $5.49 (Now with 40% more guilt)
Eggs: $6.29 (Per egg. Not dozen. One egg. Singular.)
Bacon: $9.99 per pack (Each strip now costs more than a small NFT)
Ramen: $1.29 (Your new staple food group)

We asked regular shoppers how they felt about the "falling prices." One woman in aisle five burst into tears while holding a bag of grapes. Another man was seen trying to find loose change in his pockets for the $6.72 to buy a bell pepper. Someone else tried to return their feelings to customer service for a refund. (They were not accepted.)

The self-checkout machines have become therapists. “Did you really need that pint of ice cream, or were you just trying to soothe the ache of late-stage capitalism?” one checkout machine chimed in a sing-song voiced.

Meanwhile, Trump continues his rallies, waving his grocery receipt from 1983. “Gas is $1.50 a gallon and a Big Mac is still $2.29!” he proclaims. “Don’t let them tell you otherwise!” Sir, you were using a Blockbuster card as ID.

In Summary
If Trump’s grocery price optimism is a reality show, we’re all stuck in a dark reboot of Supermarket Sweep, only this time the carts are full of debt and the prize is financial anxiety.

So next time someone says “prices are going down,” just smile, nod, and slowly push your $87 basket of frozen peas and shampoo toward the exit. After all, what’s in your basket? Hopefully not just vibes.

This is of course a fiction, a fantasy, based on nothing more than supposition. But that's what I do, I write fiction. Take a look at some of my fiction novels by clicking here.