Donald Trump doesn’t like windmills. He says they’re ugly, noisy, and apparently lethal to birds. Fair enough. Let’s not argue the point. Instead, let’s move past mere wind turbines and go straight to the logical next step in renewable energy: a Dyson Sphere.
For those who don’t know, a Dyson Sphere is not the latest household gadget from the vacuum cleaner people. It’s a hypothetical mega-structure that encases a star to capture its entire output of energy. In our case, the Sun. That’s right—why squabble over solar panels on rooftops or awkward fields of spinning propellers when we could just wrap the Sun in a cosmic blanket and plug in a really, really long extension lead?
Now, of course, this is no small task. You’d need materials, labour, logistics, and someone with just enough ego to attempt it. Enter Elon Musk. With the kind of cash reserves that make small countries look like corner shops, Musk could fund the biggest building project in the history of everything. Forget Mars colonies, why not put his rockets to better use? Fire off a few million prefabricated solar panels, snap them together like cosmic Lego, and bingo: unlimited energy for humanity.
Of course, there would be minor issues. Like accidentally blocking out the Sun and triggering a new Ice Age. Or creating a mega-death ray by accident when all the panels align just wrong and fry Belgium. But hey, no solution is perfect.
So let’s give Trump what he wants. No windmills. Not even a solar farm in sight. Just a Dyson Sphere, courtesy of Mr. Musk. Humanity would have more energy than it could ever possibly need, Trump could stop complaining about spinning blades on the horizon, and the rest of us could finally run our kettles, air conditioning, and Netflix without feeling guilty about the bill.
Windmills are out. Dyson Spheres are in. Elon, your move.
Copyright © Tom Kane September 2025
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